some of you out there probably keep yourselves awake at night wondering, "how does she do it??", "how does she maintain a THRIVING career in reception and control a blog empire?"
my time is far too valuable today to answer all of those questions. but i will enlighten you, my glorious fans, with a brief history of RECEPTION, a few how-tos... and a bit of advice that will probably put YOU on a higher platform at your current blue-collar career.
EXHIBIT A: MORSE CODE. the beginning of receptionism. VERY important to know. WHY?? because if our phones go haywire, and aliens take over the world, and they start hunting us... its our DUTY as COOTer's to keep the BIZ running. when the boss needs a sandwich, who do you think is going to tap it in? thats what i thought.
EXHIBIT B: YOU KEEP ME HAAAAAANGIN ON THE TEEELEPHoOOooOne. invention of the phone. not really a big deal... we use them, we all know how (even the natives get it i think). first phones---> war messages and shit. thats basically it. take a moment to soak in the visuals, grab a capri sun because what's comin up will BLOOOOOWW YOUR MIIND!!!!!
YET another instance where hollywood attempts to glamorize the worlds dirtiest gig. *sigh*
EXHIBIT C: HOW TO: Inspire, Amaze, Excell, Wow and last but certainly not least, Envy-fy your co-workers. 2 WORDS ya'll. WORK ENVIRONMENT. With a few accessories, and strategically placed items in your workspace, you will QUICKLY become the least screwed with COOTer in the galaxy.
SubExhibit A: Tiddlywink-licous! Accessoriiiiiize Your Biceps.
the following items are listed in order of personal imprtance.
First up and allow me to PROUDLY annouce, that due to the astounding success of my internet blog, I am a PROUD investor and SPONSER of..... the SUPER Rest-A-Phone. this accessory needs no explanation. it makes you look incredibly busy, and when combined with gum-chewing.... well it basically makes for an UN-solvable equation, that even Einstein himself couldn't crack, if he stood up from the grave and walked directly into your office today.
next item up: the infamous headset. most modern-day COOTers prefer the headset... but i am here today to simply illustrate what you ALL are doing wrong... (your welcome.) i have but 2 simple kindergarten words for why it is second in line to the SUPER Rest-A-Phone. PHONE- SLAMMING. How else are you going to assert your power? your boss will be THOROUGHLY impressed with you when you excercise your right to slam the phone. i promise the respect heirachy will slightly shift when you make this ever so valuable change in your daily COOTer routine. soon enough, your boss will shower you with gifts because you did not interrupt his afternoon nap.
SubExhibit B: Workspace Decor.
notice the above work space. as compared to the photo captured to the right, it is the eye of the tiger. for purposes of comparison, we will call the winner, "Shirley", and the LOSER "item #2". Shirley is a poised COOTer, with a clean workspace, colorful yet
useful desk accessories, an outfit to coordinate, fresh flowers, a few awards worth bragging over with prospective clients, and most importantly a portrait of her BOSS. item #2 is unfortunately doing everything wrong. her desk is cluttered. she looks nervous, as if she either A) has done something terribly wrong, or B) needs to use the bathroom. she is wearing glasses- ha-UGE weakness. the roladex shows that she has absolutely zero memory. tissues, becuase she cries when people yell at her. no SUPER rest-a-phone OR headset, a coffee mug that contains either coffee to keep her awake, because she moonlights as a stripper- or liquor because she is in fact a raging alcoholic (look at the eyes). do i even need to mention anything about the bowl of candy?
that is enough COOTer advice for the day.. stay tuned for excerpts from my biography.
notice the above work space. as compared to the photo captured to the right, it is the eye of the tiger. for purposes of comparison, we will call the winner, "Shirley", and the LOSER "item #2". Shirley is a poised COOTer, with a clean workspace, colorful yet useful desk accessories, an outfit to coordinate, fresh flowers, a few awards worth bragging over with prospective clients, and most importantly a portrait of her BOSS. item #2 is unfortunately doing everything wrong. her desk is cluttered. she looks nervous, as if she either A) has done something terribly wrong, or B) needs to use the bathroom. she is wearing glasses- ha-UGE weakness. the roladex shows that she has absolutely zero memory. tissues, becuase she cries when people yell at her. no SUPER rest-a-phone OR headset, a coffee mug that contains either coffee to keep her awake, because she moonlights as a stripper- or liquor because she is in fact a raging alcoholic (look at the eyes). do i even need to mention anything about the bowl of candy?
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