as i was traveling home yesterday via public transit, i thought to myself, "what do my bloggers want to know about me?" and i knew right away (as things often come very quickly and easy for me), it was how on earth did a small town gal from north carolina gather so much success and fame at such an early age?
well i will tell you. and its 3 simple words.
sallie. jesse. raphael.
while most kids were playing their sega genisis after school and filling in take home tests, i was rushing home throwing hot pockets into the microwave and frantically turning on our 400 pound 32 inch zenith tv. why?? a little show called, Sallie Jesse Raphael, thats why. and because i was so truely enlightened by those red-framed glasses. i immediately gave notice to SJR's keen sageness and insight that most adults only dreamt of having themselves, who would otherwise not be in such devistating predicaments! i knew that she would some day teach me personally the ways of manipulating the minds of those who know no better. she basically inspired me to rule the entire universe.
i speak only in truth and in my convictions. if you want to experience the kind of fame and success i have, get to know the who, what, when and where of sallie jesse. if you want to know how to be charming and equally as convincing, i might suggest purchasing a pair of authentic red-frames, dying your hair red TO MATCH, and studying up on topics that include but are not limited to: reuniting long lost siamese twins seperated at birth, the pandemic that is spousal abuse, homeless gay ex-convicts, the positive influence that is phil donahue, pagent children turned thieves!... etc.
while you are also hard to work at your reseach on becoming the most powerful person in this solar system, look up all things david bowie, who just so happens to be distant cousin of sallie jesse herself. this is not a public record, but you can just tell by their stikingly similar features. focus mainly on the years between 1969 and 1973.
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