spit it out fattie!!!!!!!

prepare yourself to be startled with amazement with what you are about to read next. you may want to sit, or put down your extra hot venti double soy nonfat double soy triple whip latte... FOR what i am about to tell you MAY SHOCK YOU INTO ANOTHER UNIVERSE.

im basically new best frineds with......

arnold schwarzenegger personally introduced himself into my life today. and by that- i mean, he sent yours truely a personalized piece of literature aka, a letter: A SPARK OF CONVERSATION THAT BLAZED UPON MY EYEBALLS LIKE 2 LIGHTENING BOLTS.

***it has just been suggested to me by one of my fans that i should make one minor detail a bit more clear- it is very much apart of my job, to open mail and distribute it to the proper entity, recepticle, etc. (opening office mail is customary of any COOTer)i do not personally receive or keep any sort of mail whatsoever, but that is secondary, and COMPLETELY irrelevent.***

anyway, celebrity encounters provide great writing material. even if said encounter is via the united states post office. what some of you may not be able to grasp is, a highly privileged collection of words dictated by the terminator himself ... (to whom?- AGAIN, an unimportant detail that, for the purposes of a blog ALL ABOUT a self-made COOTer, will only snag the lining of my glorious story)... reached my hands today. simple words on paper- from the man who, single handedly made me look at male-cops-posing-as-teachers-wearing-tight-polos, in a WHOLE NEW LIGHT. as i skim through, looking for a clear recipient so as to allocate it to the proper entity/ recepticle, i suddenly realize that no where within the document did i find, "who is your daddy and what does he do?" or, "its not a TUMA". utterly disappointing.

...and as i highlight just one of the MANY perks of being a self made, bona-fide COOTer: all i ask is that you maintain your jealousy. this is my job. im a human filter, i am the eyes and ears. we all can't be receivers of austrian poetry. while some people are designing shirts, and selling houses- I am filtering phone calls from the US GOVERNMENT. i'm the who, what, when, where and how of every detail in every memo, teleconference, office supply order...etc. (the logistics of COOTering goes on, but being so high-profile for so long, i have learned when to pull back) i'm a one woman show, perched upon this crystal glass desk you'll encounter as you walk through our front doors. if you should ever feel so inclined to stop in for a visit, i might warn you that there is no need for you to feel even the slightest amount of intimidation that radiates from my matching twin Swingline Staplers. underneath the piles of mail, gobs of neon pos-tits and paper-clips galore.. i am here- to serve you. and by you i mean, the celebrities of the galaxy, who so often love to send me hand written love letters via the united states postal service.